Turning Off the Alarms—Reclaiming Peace After Betrayal

When betrayal hits—especially from your spouse—your brain shifts into survival mode. It scans for danger. It overthinks, overanalyzes, and second-guesses everything. That reaction is your brain doing its job: trying to protect you. But protection mode is only meant for the short term. Long-term survival mode will block your ability to trust, to feel peace, and to experience healing.This assignment will help you begin the process of telling your nervous system: “I know the risk. I’m still choosing to move forward.”

Step 1: Understand What’s Happening

Your brain is sounding alarms because it learned something painful:

- Someone you trusted is capable of hurting you.

- The world isn’t as safe as it once felt.

- You can’t unknow what you now know.

But healing requires that you tell your brain: “This is no longer an emergency. I’ve got this now.”

Reflect:

- What are the red alerts your brain sends you about your spouse?

- What kinds of things (tone, silence, missing details, a look, etc.) trigger those alarms?

Step 2: Name the Fear Beneath the Alarm

Every alarm has a fear underneath it. If you want to calm the nervous system, you have to name what you’re afraid of.

Examples:

- “If I believe them, I’ll be a fool again.”

- “If I let myself feel close, I’ll get crushed again.”

- “If I trust too soon, they’ll think I’m over it.”

Reflection Prompt:

- What am I really afraid of?

- What would it mean if my worst fear came true?

- What have I already survived?

Step 3: Ground Yourself in Truth

Your alarm system is based on past data, but you’re living in the present moment. Let’s bring your brain back to today.

Affirmations to Practice:

- “I am safe in this moment.”

- “I can hold wisdom and hope at the same time.”

- “I am not naïve—I am choosing forward with open eyes.”

- “I’m not ignoring the past. I’m choosing to build something new.”

Write 3 grounding truths you can repeat when the alarms go off:

1. 
   
2. 
   
3. 
   

Step 4: Decide What Safety Looks Like Now

You’re not asking your brain to pretend. You’re asking it to believe you’ve got a plan.

Answer:

- What does safety look like to you now?

- What boundaries or actions help your brain feel like you're not ignoring the risk?- What are some signs you’ll watch for, without obsessing?

Step 5: Talk to Your Brain Like a Friend

When the alarm goes off again, instead of fighting it, say:“I hear you. I know you’re scared. I used to be in danger. But I’m not anymore. I’ve made a plan. I’m walking wisely. You can rest now.”

Write a version of this in your own words:

Bonus Practice: Calm the Alarm—Breathwork & Prayer

When the mental alarm bells ring, you need tools that don’t just speak to your mind, but calm your body and spirit too. Try this grounding practice daily or during moments of heightened fear.

Step 1: Breathwork – 4-7-8 Reset

This simple breathing pattern sends a signal to your nervous system that you’re safe.

Instructions:

1. Inhale quietly through your nose for 4 seconds.

2. Hold your breath for 7 seconds.

3. Exhale slowly through your mouth for 8 seconds.

4. Repeat for 3–4 rounds.

As you breathe, you can think or speak aloud:“I am safe. I am seen. I am healing.”

Step 2: Prayer for Peace & Wisdom

“God, you see the alarms in my body and the fear in my mind. You know what happened, and you know how it wounded me. I invite your peace into my nervous system. Quiet the alarms that keep going off. Let your Spirit bring calm where there has been chaos.Help me walk in wisdom—not fear. I want to love with open eyes, not blinded trust. I choose to move forward, not because I’ve forgotten the past, but because I trust You with my future. Help me rest in the truth that I’m no longer alone. You are with me. And that’s enough.”Take 30 seconds after this prayer to sit quietly. Let peace settle over your shoulders.